Resent.
Jealousy.
Regret.
Anger.

We all feel them. No one is perfect, no matter what we wish to believe. We bottle them up, storing them in small little balls, until one day they explode. Generally not at the person or thing that we are annoyed at but someone completely unrelated. We vent and vent and although it helps a bit, after a week or two, we are back with our ball of rage.

I have a bottle of anger, of regret and resentment. I feel like I'm holding the cork down so hard, the cracks are splitting the sides. And if I do not fix the cracks fast enough, they split, and I say and do stupid things I don't mean, to people I don't want to hurt. I scream and cry and snap and hurt others. Do I mean to do this? No, most of the time its a wrong place, wrong time situation.

I have so much resentment. Most of its directed at people who don't deserve it at all, to my family, my friends, people I barely know. I love most of the people I resent. And most of why I resent them is really stupid stuff. I hate this. I hate me. And honestly I hate the world.

I hate the way my Dad's stuck at home and that my Mum works so much. I hate the way I can't see my friends whenever I want, because of exams or just sheer location. I hate the way the world sees me. I hate the way there is no one in my year who actually talks to me on a day to day basis. I hate the way I can't look in the mirror and be happy. And I hate how alone I feel all the time.

I don't hate anyone. Even I'm surprised at that. But I don't. Not even M. I guess I should. I am angry about him. I am depressed by it. I am upset that he wouldn't even call me. But I don't hate him. I just hope someday I get a better reason then what I got. I don't want to cry over him any more. I know I will, more then likely. I know it will still hurt. But I know it'll never be as bad as last Wednesday. I know it can only get better. And I know it will happen again with other people, just as bad if not worse. But I won't delete my pictures of M. I won't block the memories. I had a hell of a lot of fun with him.

I didn't write this for sympathy. I didn't write it because I want attention. I don't exactly know why I did write this. But it is helping me get things straight in my head. It got a lot of things out. And its a statement of how I feel.